throwing out the bandages

Throwing Out The Bandages

When you’ve suffered a cornucopia of mental, emotional and physical trauma over a sustained period of time, it can be tricky to know when you’re healed. You get so comfortable with your bandages, procedures, and therapies – both figurative and literal – that they become part of you in unintended ways. Life starts to become viewed as a series of trials to overcome, and after a while you begin looking for them in places they don’t exist. And when this happens, it becomes really hard to accept being in a fully-healed state as a real scenario.

That’s not to say I haven’t had plenty of high points in the last few years, as some of the highest peaks have accompanied my lowest valleys.  It’s just to face the fact that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to feel complete, and not in a perpetual state of healing.

But I think I’m good now. Not perfect, but damn good.


super blue blood moon insights

A Lunar Cleansing of Sorts

The moon the last two nights has been outrageous.  Insane.  Spectacular.  Inspiring.  It’s been referred to as the super blue blood moon and we won’t see it in this state for at least another 50 years- at which time I’m reasonably sure I’ll be six feet underground and unable to appreciate it again.

A super blue blood moon is the combination of a total lunar eclipse alongside a blue moon (the second of two full moons in a single calendar month) a blood moon (when particles in the atmosphere make the moon appear reddish in nature), and a super moon (where the perigee, or closest point in the moon’s orbit to the earth, makes the moon appear unusually large).  That’s a freakin trifecta of spiritual convergence right there.

And it follows a long period of tragic convergence in my life.  The meaning is not lost on me.  I couldn’t let this one slide past without some serious introspection going on.


The Adventures of a Reluctant Empath, Part Deux

Just because you can feel emotions outside of you doesn’t mean you gain amazing insight into the world around you. In fact, it’s often even harder to know exactly what I’m feeling now, than it was before I started figuring out what was going on with my empathic senses. My current emotional state can easily get blended with those I’m sensing around me, and if I’m not careful, I can read things wrong or act completely out of character.  Hesitant can feel apprehensive. Happy can actually feel smug or self-important at it’s core. Lately I’ve been working really hard at filtering my own emotions out from those I empathically sense, and it’s had both good results, bad results, and laughably hilarious results.


rocks vs streams

Rocks vs. Streams

Life can move quickly, and it can get a bit confusing at times. My own personal issues and aspirations aside, it’s hard not to feel beaten up by factors outside one’s control living on the southern coast of California this last year. So many lives have been affected by both the Thomas fires and the resulting mudslides last week it’s been a very overwhelming time to live here, particularly as an empath. These are times when both my own angst and that of those around me can be heavy, cause me to dramatically overthink things. Fight against the stream of things, to rally against fate, timing, and nature. So this morning I’m centering on rocks, streams, and natural order to get a grip on it all.

When a rock and a stream confront one another, the stream always wins through its persistence, not its strength.  No matter how solid, strong, and resolute the rock may be, constantly running water will always mold it slowly into what nature intends. Water will never be impeded for long but find a way around, over, through any obstacles, wear down that rock, find it’s path forward.  For a long time I’ve focused too hard on being a constant rock in a ever-flowing and changing world.  These days I’m trying to respect the stream around me more.  The difference is astounding.


tiptoeing into 2018 carefully

Tiptoeing into 2018

It’s now 5 days into January 2018. That seems a short time in words, but it can feel like a very long time under the right circumstances. Oh, the things I’ve done with just 5 days – conceive and pitch a new product, write half of an album’s worth of material, record a few albums worth of material, span 5 continents – but this hasn’t been one of those 5 days.  It’s been a quiet, introspective 5 days.  I’ve primarily been cleaning up fire and holiday messes and loose ends this week, and trying to establish a new daily rhythm after almost a month of schedule chaos and geographic disarray.  But in the monotonous overload of everyday this last 5 days, I’ve learned some things that have helped me look back on the last few years with less jaded, better focused eyes.  I’m not going to deal in New Years resolutions or big sweeping judgements of my past this year, just share a few things I’ve discovered as I’ve tiptoed into 2018. Grab a coffee and pull up a chair.


Musicians and Road Warriors

Musicians and Road Warriors

It’s easy to fall victim to the stereotypes of the working musician – for both the musician and fan alike. A life of public adulation, excess, and grandiosity (is that a word?). The exquisitely tortured artistes extracting beauty from life’s poignant moments all gypsified and moving nomadically from town to town. But the reality of a career in the creative segment is more blunt, and there’s entire curriculums of required knowledge they didn’t teach me in music school. The kind you have to skin your knees and bloody your nose to learn. The dirty secret of the game is that it’s not good enough to be a talented musician or artist- you gotta be a warrior in both practice and spirit if you wanna live the life longer than a year or two.


wants vs. needs - or the fine art of letting go

Wants vs. Needs (or, the fine art of letting go)

It’s relatively easy to focus in on the things we want in life. The things that our hearts, minds, and souls pull us towards despite all logic and better judgement – both for the good and the bad. The things in life we need, though, they reside in another category entirely. Quite often the things we need are exactly what we fight against the hardest, build up resistance towards, deny and overlook. It’s hard to focus in on the truly essential things to pursue in life as the things we want tend to overwhelm us, like a kid in a candy store with wide eyes but only a few shiny coins to spend.